This Year SUCKED

I spent a fair bit of time over Easter thinking about how this years been, if and how I've progressed, and whether I'm doing well enough.

My attendance overall has been shocking, I know in terms of that I've messed up a lot. But I know that as much as I messed up and as much as my attendance isn't great at all, I've really tried my best in the situation I've been in. My depression kicked in majorly at the beginning of the year, there was too much change to deal with in one go. It was way too much for me at the start, and it continued to be way too much for me throughout. I'm a fairly introverted person and stupidly shy so found it really hard to take part in group discussions, make new friends and settle in with my new flatmates.

I've also found it really hard to produce any work that i've actually liked this year. To me, it seems like first years a lot to do with experimenting, taking risks, making mistakes and learning new ways of approaching and completing a brief. That's great, honestly I can say I've really benefited from the development and experimentation that I've done this year. But, now I think about it, if i had to pick out work that I was really proud of, I'd struggle to choose anything. I'm hoping that next year I can really try and focus and find my thing, something I enjoy doing and that I'm happy with at the end.

I don't think I've done well enough this year at all. I have massively let myself down. I'm horrendously ashamed of my attendance, the quality of my work and my crappy attempt at trying to be more confident and make new friends. I don't know, it just seems to be one whole load of stress. I can't see any progression in my work, I can't see how I've improved at all, if anything i think my skill set has dropped massively. I'm hardly getting a chance to do work for myself anymore and this is getting me down a fair bit.

BUT there's only 6/7 weeks left till everything handed in and that dreaded presentation is over and done with. I'm really going to try and be in all the time, get my work done to deadlines and just get this over and done with so I can spend sometime over summer getting my head together, motivated and focused on what I enjoy doing.